The end is nigh

Those of you who know me well will know that I have been a slave...uh I mean in the employ of a certain fast food outlet for the past 4 or so years (yes I know it's sad- we all have humiliating secrets; Bucky sees UFOs)

Anyway with my impending departure to the land of all things latin and dodgy, I have hung up my spatula and told them where to shove their buns, below is the soon to be infamous letter of resignation:

Dear Ronald McDonald (since most McDonalds managers are synonymous with clowns),

I quit.

My tenure at the Evil Empire has spanned these past four years and then some. No longer can I go on as an instrument of an oppressive regime, enough is enough. I have made no secret of the austerity with which my hatred and loathing for McDonalds is burdened. All too often have I found opportunity to stand as the lone voice of dissent and yet these four years a terrible guilt has been etched in the back of my mind; as well as being saturated in the odour of fat and oil, I wreak of the stench of hypocrisy. How can a man be in the employ of a corporation of which he speaks only venom and poison?

I shall be a hypocrite no more. Shortly I endeavour to South America to cleanse my soul, however when I return and rise above the menial duties entrusted to me by the global hegemon I shall work doggedly to bring that evil hegemon to it’s knees and end their global domination that threatens to turn this worlds people into fat, obnoxious, bigoted Americans.

Most symbolic of my sentence at this store, are perhaps the shoes that have served me so well since I was first manacled here. Encrusted with oil and fat, slowly rotting and bending up at the front as if worn by an elf, I leave those shoes to medical science in the crusade to find a cure for obesity.

If any of my future employers should call you for a reference, please say he was a demure character of excellent moral disposition and conscientious nature. If you don’t I will make your fall from Burger Stardom a long and painful one. Be warned.

Yours unFaithfully


The Writer.