Hamburg: We all live in a yellow submarine...

"Get back! Get back to the place where you once belonged...." or words to that effect were amongst many other lyrics that John and Paul were famed for singing. And I have done just that, last Thursday I returned to the UK from Hamburg bringing my brief German adventure to a close.

Liverpool may be primarily credited with producing the Beatles, but to a considerable extent it was Hamburg that nutured the band's talents (certainly during their early years). Hamburg's paralells with Liverpool are uncanny; just as in Liverpool you can visit the Cavern Club, so too in Hamburg you can visit the bar in the red light district of St. Pauli where many of the Beatles' first gigs were staged. Furthermore, just as Liverpool is one of Britain's principle ports located on a major river (the Mersey), so too is Hamburg a major riverbank port (on the Elbe); perhaps it was the similarities that first drew the Beatles here? Alternatively, perhaps it was the reputation of the red light Reeperbahn in St. Pauli that attracted them. I took a walk through the notorious district, apparently only second to Amsterdam's (in quality?, seediness?, or what??), and had a hard time shaking off all the 'ladies of the night'- they really are quite persistent! Eventually I made it through the gauntlet and settled in for the Man Utd vs Roma Champions League fixture at an Irish pub. And boy, was I glad I did!!! 7-1!!!!! It was almost enough to make me forget the shame of Adelaide United's A-League final debacle.

My seafaring prowess is no secret, as any of my crew who joined me on my epic voyage up the mighty Murray in 2004 can attest. In Hamburg I could not resist recreating a little bit of movie magic by hiring a row boat to trek down the mighty Elbe in much the same way as two of the more successful escapees in 'The Great Escape' do in the closing scenes. I too rowed past and beneath the tilting masts of giant dockside cranes towards the open seas and freedom!!! Unfortunately for me, I was limited insofar as I had only hired the craft for an hour and after about 20 minutes I got caught in the wake of a passing container ship and almost capsized. Yet, my nautical know-how saw me through and whilst I didn't make it to the North Sea I did at least make it back to dry land. Since the war, Hamburg has developed into one of Germany's (and Europe's) more cosmopolitan and permissive cities as the heaving red light district illustrates. It is appropriate therefore that any visitor should visit the Museum of Erotic Art. Whilst I feared (or hoped??!!) that much of it would be crude porn, I was pleasantly suprised to find a degree of sophistication employed in dealing with difficult subjects. Much of the material was actually quite good, demonstrating an artistic talent, but other stuff was less impressive, bizzare or just disturbing.

The remainder of my three days in Hamburg I spent wandering the city centre or following the numerous canals between the old warehouses down by the riverside. Whilst it is a beautiful city, well worth a look, it doesn't really measure up to either Berlin or Munich and not much else of note happened during my time here. However, as a footnote, it should be recorded that in Hamburg I sampled my first water pipe (orange flavour). Very enjoyable and I'd like to purchase one of these for my own enjoyment in Adelaide, anyone know where I can get one?

Ich bin ein Berliner!

Ah, JFK's famous words can still extract a giggle from any German when muttered by some ignorant foreigner. But let's face it the Germans haven't much of a sense of humour.

Yesterday I moved on from Berlin to Hamburg, so it is now time to recount my time in the German capital. I was in Berlin for the four days of Easter so it was a bit quieter than it might have been, but nonetheless it was still heaving with tourists and the nightlife I sampled didn't show any sign that it had slowed for any observation of religiousity.

Friday night I picked an area and club at random (I didn't fancy relying on lonely planet), which proved quite a shrewd move on my part since it was so good I almost saw sunrise. Things turned sour the following morning however when I woke to find my bag and it's contents (ie my clothes) soaking wet. It seems that one of the girls in my dorm had come back drunk during the night at some point, opened a bottle of water and spilt it all over my stuff. The evidence was all about for me to see: wasted girl asleep upside-down and still in party rags, half empty bottle of water by her bed (bottle top removed), bottle top half way across floor. I rest my case your honour. That is certainly the version I prefer to believe, the alternative of course is that some git took a piss in my bag. I washed all wet garments just in case.

The whole washing and drying routine consumed time on Saturday, but eventually I did get out to see some of the sights later on Saturday and Sunday. Berlin is particularly fascinating since it has been at the centre of so much recent history. Many cities have claims to historic events and people, but few could claim as much important history as Berlin during the 20th century. Inevitably much of what there is to see is connected to the war or division of the city during the Cold War; I did the whole holocaust memorial and Jewish museum thing, went up to the top of the Reichstag, had a look around Check-point Charlie and checked out the remaining stretches of the Berlin wall.

Just for a change, or to get away from all the war stuff and blokes flogging Soviet fuzzy hats (you actually bought one of these didn't you Nick?), I went to the museum for the Bauhaus design school (who I believe have an outlet on Rundle st?). This is quite interesting, but even there they have a section dedicated to how the war and Third Reich adversely affected them.

Well, not much else to report. Given Hamburg's location on the Elbe river and it's reputation as one of Europe's largest and most important ports (second only to Rotterdam I think?) combined with my justly reknowned nautical prowess, many more adventures should ensue. I return to the UK on Thursday so will update on Hamburg from there.

Munich: Surf's Up

I have in the last few hours arrived in Berlin from Munich, and before embarking on anymore adventures I should probably keep my faithful readers abreast of those events that occurred in the Bavarian city.

As I wrote in my last post, Jens did take me to a bar (although not filthy or crowded with buxom Bavarian babes) and we watched the AC Milan vs Bayern Munich clash together. Bayern were arguably lucky and unlucky in equal measures; both AC Milan goals (especially the penalty) were dubious but then Bayern were lucky to equalise both times. We watched the game with a friend of Jens named Björn, who got utterly bladdered.

Whilst in Munich I did the typical touristy things around the city centre, but what was of particular interest was the Dachau concentration camp site just outside of Munich. I had only intended to spend a morning looking around the site, but given the time taken to get there and back and then the actual size of the site and exhibition I ended up spending a whole day there. Unlike a friend (who shall remain nameless), I was not tempted to whistle the 'Great Escape' theme tune.

Those of you familiar with German geography will know that Munich is not anywhere near the sea. But I can tell you that I saw surfing in Munich, and as soon as I can work out how to upload a photo then I will do so for all of you. On a small river in the centre of Munich a few die-hard adrenaline junkies spend everyday surfing a single wave that is created by some sort of change in depth or ridge at the bottom of the river. Apparently two people died doing this last year, and despite signs forbidding swimming and surfing it still goes on and the police do not try too hard to stop it. It attracts a fair crowd (with good reason) on the bridge passing above the river.

So whilst by day I fulfilled the role of foreign tourist, by night I did as all good Germans do and passed the time in one of the many cavernous beer halls. I didn't get to all the big ones, but I am proud to say I had a few steins in at least 3 of the main halls and gardens.

Finally, today rather than pay close to €100 for a train from Munich to Berlin I hitched a ride with a guy who regularly drives between the two cities and allows people to pay to occupy the spare seats. It cost me a fraction of the price (€25), and only took marginally longer because of the traffic. I must now turn in for the night as I am quite tired, but will write again soon about Berlin at Easter.

Ps. Number of times Lonely Planet has lied to me (including the time mentioned in previous post): 2 (Latest instance concerns location of fictional hostel, and please note that my edition is March 2007)

Don't mention the war...

... I did, but I think I got away with it!

I said that I would update this blog with my European adventure, and so here goes.

Unfortunately I must start with some bad news. Having come to the other side of the world at great expense and inconvenience in order to put myself under scrutiny of the UK's Army Officer Selection Board, I failed. I went down to Wiltshire last week from Tuesday through until Friday and took part in various outdoor obstacle courses, group command tasks, written exams and oral discussion sessions. I thought I had done all that I could, but at the end of the week I simply did not measure up to the army's expectations. I am told that candidates often fail the first time, but then gain entry at a second attempt, but still I am quite disappointed and 2007 seems to be rapidly turning into a year of disappointments and failures (in contrast to 2006, which for me was quite a good year). Perhaps 2007 is to be my annus horribilus (as the Queen referred to 1992)?

Anyway, I now find myself in the country that gave the world Mercedes Benz, Heidi Klum, Angela Merkel, Volkswagen and the most despotic tyrant the world has ever known. I met my pal Jens in Munich yesterday and I am to stay with him for three nights before moving on to Berlin. Jens is to take me tonight to watch the Bayern Munich vs AC Milan game in a filthy German beer hall crowded with buxom Bavarian babes, so that may cheer me up after my latest disappointment!!

Anyway, not much more to report. See you all soon.

Ps. Number of times Lonely Planet has failed me so far: 1 (trying to find non-existent Internet cafe)

Thearley rejects calls to kill-off blog

In recent time many have suggested that just as the farmer takes his blind old incontinent sheep dog out to the barn with a trusty double-barrelled and blows the mother away, this blog ought to suffer a similar fate. Their reasoning is that this blog is rarely updated and when it is the topics covered are seldom relevant. Yet with Thearley's latest adventures this blog is set to be given a new lease on life.

I travel today to the land of my birth to go before the Army Officer Selection Board (AOSB), which consists of a gruelling three-and-a-half day assessment course that can be best described as a boot camp. Applicants who successfully complete the course are then eligible to enter the Royal Military Academy at Sandhurst. Upon completing this 'boot camp' I will travel to Munich to stay with Jens, my friend I met in Chile. Those wishing to learn more about Jens (or even see a photo) should consult this blog's posts for the first half of 2005 when I was in Chile. I will then make my way from Munich up through Germany, possibly across to Holland and Belgium before returning to the UK in order to return to Oz, arriving on 17th April.

This Blog will now follow these adventures.

NEW ADVENTURE COMING SOON

Advice to Campbelltown Council

I am relatively lucky in the sense that I live quite close by to the University of South Australia's Magill campus. Whenever the need arises for me to journey there in order to collect some books or to knock out the odd thesis, then all I need do is take a short 10 minute stroll. This is arguably quite convenient, especially given that many who trek there have to do so by multiple buses or spend much time stuck in traffic if they drive.

However, upon arriving at the campus it is almost always necessary that I comb my hair. On my 10 minute journey my hair seems to gather various bits of interesting flora. About a week or so ago I bumped into Emil in the library and he had to help me pick gum nuts and petals from my hair. I dare say it was a scene reminiscent of a nature documentary when you see a family of apes going through each other's hair for lice or edible grubs. Furthermore, upon my arrival this evening I have so far detected 1 gum nut and 2 blossoming buds.

I have only one wish: would the Campbelltown council please invest more money in adequately pruning rogue plant life that conspires to infest innocent pedestrians' hair as this is quite clearly a problem in our municipality and given that we have recently had a council election I think it is high time this most pressing issue is addressed.

By the way, Thesis=finished, 2 items of coursework remain, more comprehensive post to follow completion of academic activities.

World Cup Legacy? A-League odyssey

Long overdue blog: I started this the day of the WC final and have only just seen fit to finish and publish it... profuse apologies to the diehard Thearle Army.

We have traversed the breach; that seemingly unconquerable space that exists between last season and the next season. In England it is known as the cricket season, here in Oz.... well nobody really notices. The point is though that there is for a period of at least a month, and often longer depending on whether it is a world cup or Euro championship year, a void in which no real football is played.

The 2006 World Cup came to a close over a month ago in a fashion that cannot quite be described as breathtaking, nor spectacular, but rather perplexing and with perhaps a touch of disappointment. Italy have without doubt been one of the better sides of the tournament, but their performance and victory in the final was neither glorious nor deserved.

Their route to the final included only just overcoming minnows Australia, they had arguably the easiest of the quarter finals, and they were less than impressive against the yankees. On the other hand they did fend off an impressive Germany, and accounted for the Czechs who were touted before the tournament as potential winners.

However, the point is that Italy did not deserve to win the tournament in the same way that other champions have deserved to win it in the past. But then again, none of the teams this time around really deserved to win it. Sure there were glimmers of brilliance, but no one team stood out as consistently better than the rest and thus deserving of the title "Champions of the World". In sum, it was a mediocre tournament which will bequeath no real legacy. A case in point: some of the younger players earmarked for future brilliance were truly dismal. For instance, Wayne Rooney although coming back from injury and playing in a fucked up formation only succeeded in making himself look more and more like an alcoholic Shrek. With regards to Cristiano Ronaldo, I like to apply the Shane Warne theory: that is, although he is undoubtedly a gifted player, if he couldn't play then what would he do? He would be one of those vicious skin heads you see out on a Friday night spitting and swearing like there is no tomorrow. The only talent he has is football, and even that he couldn't adequately display in Germany, the only exhibition he made was of his un-sportsman-like, vicious streak which he demonstrates through his continued diving. I truly hate him.

With regards to Australia's performance, it was probably one of the only positives that I can think of that came out of the tournament. More importantly though it has put Australia onto a steep learning curve. Australian fans will soon come to the realisation that World Cups are more about disappointment than jubilation- believe me I am an England fan, I know!!! Only one team can ever win and although Australia may do that some day, I can't imagine that it will be in the near future.

Anyway, since the World Cup ended there hasn't really been any regular football to talk of. But now the premier league has begun and this coming weekend the A-League (mark 2) will begin. What can the AUFC diehards expect this year we might ask, given their form in the pre-season cup, would it be too much to ask for a championship? Doubtless Veart and Qu will dissapoint, Aloisi will whinge, Van Condom will be shit as will Cornflake. What of Dodd? given his recent form and prowess in the Australia shirt then we have reason to hope that he may bring some light to the gloom that so often shrouds Hindmarsh. The point is though that although AUFC so often look very amateur, the opposition are quite often not alot better. We can therefore expect the red army to be in the finals. The odyssey begins again, all aboard with Kossie... destination glory.