Japan's greatest contribution to the cultural world & the Chefs continue their Iron march onwards and upwards.

Word amongst the regulars around the usual haunts would have one believe that things are pretty same old, same old. Croatia's first boat person continues to snort things (read spilt cocktail) up his nasal passage and has recently developed an unhealthy zeal for talking of another bodily orifice, unique to the male of the species (use your imagination) and how he has read of painful (or so I imagine) penetrations of said orifice with unusual implements. Captain Cleanshaven has lately started to paint himself in a new light, becoming more militant by the day but not for anything of any particular importance, rather he has launched a damning attack against facial hair (of all things), labelling all those who choose to adorn themselves with a little stubble as socially irresponsible and insensitive to the feelings of the ladies. One can only presume that in the ideal world around rob that all the ladies think exactly the same and are attracted to exactly the same type of guy- but is that guy really Rob?

And those regulars would be more or less right, things are pretty much business as usual- after all the Iron Chefs won again this weekend, however I'll come to that shortly. Firstly I'd like to focus on the Saturday night just passed, having finished slaving away in my place of employ at about 12.15 I headed out with some of the boys in celebration of the Bearhunter's 21st birthday and had an extremely acceptable time, albeit not exactly atypical of a night with this group of delinquents.

Rendevousing at the Belgian Beer Bar we moved along to PJs where we quickly discovered that Saturday night plays host to the upstairs karaoke evening. Captain Cleanshaven who as many readers will know has a somewhat unhealthy penchant for all things Asian was keen, and I expressed enthusiasm given that it had been a whole month since I'd last strutted my stuff in Chile (I was suffering withdrawal symptoms). However others expressed reservations, in particular Bucky was concerned that he may be laughed at for his squeaky voice and Sanjeev "I only sing in Bollywood" George queried whether it mattered that he is black, at which point I suggested he could give us a Michael Jackson number.

Despite the reservations we all piled upstairs and soon had our names down for a few hits. Rob and I started us off with Ol' Blue Eye's "My Way", now I am no talent when given a microphone but I believe we were recieved well and warmed up the crowd for our upcoming headline act. I had never seen the Captain perform his solo "Blue suede shoes", but having seen it once I'll go on the record stating that I want to see more. "Chocolate for the ears" I heard one punter remark, but really he did sound like the King and he had all the leg movements going on as well. To his credit he also dealt with the usual (or in this case unusual) on stage hiccups well also- halfway through, his gyrating groin and leg movements were becoming a little over enthusiatic and resulted in causing the CD player (situated on the stage) to skip to another song.... "bee buba looba she's my baby" started scrolling up the screen, but he continued singing on in his creamy Elvis voice anyway! a true talent.

A few of us including the birthday bearhunter then gave a rusty rendition of "California dreaming" and finally Croatia's first and most shameful boat person and Dazza amongst others finished us off with "Can't stop" by the Chilli willies. The Goddess made an appearance as we were finishing "California dreaming", but I think she was glad to have missed "my way" (sang my way). All that was missing was Afro "Aphrodites child" the Greek's must-see cover of Van Halen's "Jump" and word on the grapevine has it that Hoogster gives a heartwrenching rendition of "sultanas on the grapevine" (line-dancing included) from the old Sultana Bran adverts.

The Karaoke at PJ's finishes at 2.30 so we had to move on. In the mood for one of the Chinese long necks that one can consume at Supermild we went there, only to find on arrival they no longer stock it. Nonetheless we perserved like the good christian soldiers (or islamic in phatty Tashkent's case) that we are.... (odd thing to have written actually, as I hold no particular religous affiliation and I am reasonably sure that "Ghandi" George is a good hindi boy). Still, we drank up and more importantly burnt up the dance floor. Readers may remember my brief dancing career in Chile and some of the lads were keen to see me at work, however the foxy Goddess wasn't in the mood for my foxtrot (she'd had enough of it friday night), so I needed someone else to dance with. The recently crowned King Captain Crooner stepped up and I must admit I blushed as he let me dip him. Next up was Bucky who I think must have been jealous, we tried a spin but the poor dear had forgotten to stow his beer somewhere- as we spun a spiral of coopers pale flew through the air, it was beautiful. All in all a very pleasant evening.

Moving along, a quick fire Iron Chefs report....

Sitting in third before Sunday's late 9pm fixture the Chefs were looking to consolidate their enviable start to the season. Schuma United (aka. Welland Green Grocers) appeared a formidable opposition (because they were all wogs and I get intimidated anytime I face a side that looks like the Italian national side- don't ask me why). The Windsor Castle was packed to the rafters in anticipation and the faithful were rewarded early on as Captain "I sing, dance and score goals" poked a tame shot passed the flapping goalkeeper of mediterranean extraction. The rest of the first half was a scrappy affair and the Green Grocers were getting increasing frustrated and agressive. Afro (who was already mildly pissed off since he'd missed the previous night's song and dance) had trouble keeping a lid on his rising temper, however he let his feet do the talking and proved a valuable asset working the ball from defence into the attack.

The second half saw the green grocers self destruct as bitter infighting and arguing with the ref gripped their team. The Chefs took advantage and played with a cool air of supremacy, they took their time and consolidated their lead when Thearle struck a commandment from heaven into the bottom left hand corner of the hapless grocer's net. Admittedly there were moments when the Chefs failed to close down the opposition attack quickly enough, the attackers didn't drop back at all times when needed, however Phil in goal played a blinder keeping his first clean sheet of the season. The Captain of the moment put the final nail in the coffin a few minutes from time when a loose ball came his way, he swivelled on it and struck it first time on his right foot finding the net. Both Andre and Bucky were pivotal in defence and the team can be happy with a third consecutive win. It's also worth noting that after the game Schuma United withdrew in frustration totally from the league- an all wog team that couldn't hack the Iron Chefs- I think I am cured of my wog intimidation.

Goalscorers (total as after matchday 3)
Captain Balestrin-4
Thearle-3
Afro-1
Andre-1
Bucky-1