Self service dining room opened at the Windsor Castle

Season ticket holder numbers have skyrocketed at the Windsor Castle in recent weeks on the back of the Iron Chef's impressive start to the season. Club officials have seized the opportunity (and cash windfall) opening the league's first self service dining room, for players, officials and fans alike. Greek Chef "I'm definitely not lebanese" Assikas christened the glitzy new facility by purchasing a whole chicken, loaf of bread (heavily reduced to only $1.50) and bottle of orange juice (also reduced). The feast that ensued was reminiscent of the good ol' days when men were men and not a bunch of preening, prancing ponies. However suggestions that the Iron Chefs preen, prance or have anything to do with ponies would be folly in light of two physical encounters over the past two weeks.

Firstly to matchday 4, where the Chefs faced a team of dubious quality (the name of which I confess to have forgotten). Anyway I won't dwell on it too long, the point is the Chefs were 2-0 winners thanks to Andre and Rob and Phil keeping a clean sheet in goal. The scoreline doesn't really reflect fairly on the game, and the score should have been more like 18-0. Notably Thearle squandered numerous chances, Afro was on target but not lethal enough and Captain Marvel ran a bit dry. But a win is a win and the Chefs extended their winning streak to 4 games.

Now to the more recent encounter (yesterday), where the opening of the "Ghandi George Feasting Hall" threatened to overshadow the actual game. Boystrous crowds (when men were men etc) milling about enjoying the bountiful fare on offer in the dining hall delayed kick off. However it was a game worth waiting for.

The Chefs looked jaded early on and conceded an early goal, suggestions are rife of stricter curfews on the star Chefs players, most of whom seem to lead some sort of playboy lifestyle. Some fans have felt disenfrancised in recent weeks as they lose identity with their Captain; "Balestrin seems to want to model himself on Beckham" one punter noted. Of course these disgruntled fans refer to the Captain's recent appearance in Alpha magazine with Rob's red hot top ten tips for a clean shave and his new deal as the new face of Gillette (the best a man can get). Furthermore Chef Afro seems to have read the column, sporting a new DIY hairstyle and cementing himself as the Chefs pin-up boy, he modelled the "un-showered dirty legs look" when he donned the coveted yellow shirt yesterday.

Nonetheless, the Chefs held their heads high and Thearle coming off the bench heralded something of a turnaround. The supersub drew the Chefs level promptly slotting past the hapless keeper. Then came what many commentators hailed as the real turning point in the match, a clinical Thearle strike of epic proportions swerved into the top right hand corner to put the Chefs ahead. Soon after the break Thearle struck again for his hatrick and to put the Chefs into a comfortable 3-1 lead.

The Chefs never really looked threatened again, both Bucky and Captain "Cleanshaven (the best a man can get)" put the issue beyond doubt with equally dutiful strikes. 5-1 and the Iron army were elated, can the chefs be stopped? This seems to be the question on many pundit's lips now, although having the best record in the league they still only sit second. But few would doubt that the Chefs will make a finals appearance and are the team to be watched this season.

Goalscorers (Total as after matchday 5)
Thearle-6
Captain Balestrin-6
Andre-2
Bucky-2
Afro-1

In an effort to expand this statistics section I will try to conduct a regular online poll. This weeks question is: Which Iron Chef sports the best hairstyle? (explantions and justifications welcomed)
Answers will be compiled and results published with the next match report.