Good God!.... or has he been a bad God?

ADELAIDE. Thearle esq. Papal envoy reports.

The mighty Lord God (pictured right in a recent family picture) was brought before the Adelaide magistrates court today on charges relating to the Environment protection (water quality) act 2003. The charges relate to incidents in the distant past and so the act has been invoked in retrospect; a move that God's lawyers are challenging.

Specifically the charges relate to the parting of the Red Sea which took place in an unspecified place and year (something-or-other BC). Family friend of the God family, Moses has also been implicated as an accomplice based upon written evidence presented to the court during the opening morning of proceedings:

“And Moses stretched out his hand over the sea; and Jehovah caused the sea to go back by a strong east wind all the night, and made the sea dry land, and the waters were divided. And the children of Israel went into the midst of the sea upon the dry ground: and the waters were a wall unto them on their right hand, and on their left” (Exodus 14:21-22).

Lucifer De Vil QC acting for the prosecution referred specifically to Division 1 of the act, which states:

General obligation to avoid discharge etc. into waters
(1) A person who is undertaking an activity, or is an occupier of land, must take all reasonable and practicable measures (not being measures that themselves cause environmental harm) to avoid the discharge or deposit of waste from that activity or land—
(a) into any waters; or
(b) onto land in a place from which it is reasonably likely to enter any waters (including by processes such as seepage or infiltration or carriage by wind, rain, sea spray, or stormwater or by the rising of the water table)

The prosecution case noted that the remains of Egyptian chariots in the red sea constituted excessive waste and a real threat to the local fragile ecosystem. Furthermore the exact loss of life resulting from the washing away of countless Egyptian lives was tantamount to genocide and murder charges could be brought before the court pending further evidence.

God who has lived a somewhat reclusive lifestyle since these and other events around the same time, refused to comment as he left the courthouse this afternoon. However he did point his finger to the sky in a somewhat rude gesture causing a sudden crack of lightning and this writers trousers to fall about his ankles.

This story will be updated as news comes to hand.

Chefs Crush Speed Addicts (Bucky Reitano new face of Road safety campaign: "I am not road kill")

And in sporting news this weekend just passed, the Iron Chefs stretched their winning streak to seven games consolidating their grip on first place in the Windsor Castle of Doom Blogger's conference league. Faced with a demented opposition clearly made up of ex-felons and Glenside escapees the Chefs were cool and calm as they swept aside their opposition in a 7-2 belting. El Capitan Balestrino scored an impressive 4, Thearle added 2 and Andre "The Giant" also added his name to the tally. Phil was sublime in goal, exerting a strange gravitational force that saw almost every opposition shot reach his firm grip or go skidding wide of the posts. Andre "the Giant" crushed all in his path as he maintained the Chefs defensive line in typical fashion. However Afro Assikas, who has been plagued by a recent back injury and subsequent poor form (see goalscorers tally) has been in rumours linked to local rival Real Madras. The Iron Chefs fan club has in response to this latest revelation set up an online petition to stop the loved Greek player leaving the club (add your name to the petition in the comments below).

Leading Goalscorers (total as after gameweek 7)

El Capitan Supremo Balestrino I- 13

Thearle- 9

Bucky "Rest, revive, survive" Reitano- 3

Andre "The Giant"- 3

Afro Assikas- 1